Story

“We tell ourselves stories in order to live.”

—Joan Didion

A friend shared this poem with me recently.  It arrived just as I was writing about a story in my life for a project I am working on.  A story that I had told others for many years, but never fully.  The one sentence I chose to leave out of the telling changed the whole meaning.  For me and for the listener.  The story wasn’t complete without that sentence but including it kept me living in fear of what people would think.

I knew that if I included it, I would be judged.  I never considered not lying.  I mean, was it really lying?  They didn’t know the story. They wouldn’t know if something was missing. But I did.   Leaving that part out, made me feel like an imposter in my own life.  In very subtle ways, altering my story to tell people what I thought they wanted to hear, was reminding me that I was not worthy.  The story created empathy in others for me.  The truth would make everyone think twice. 

We tell people about our lives and then complain that no one understands us.  Can anyone really understand us if they are not getting the full story?  Can we even understand ourselves?  When we alter the story, hiding the details from ourselves as if they never happened, how can we learn to trust our inner knowing?  Understand our true self? 

After decades of telling the altered story and 5 years of sobriety, I am finally able to tell the truth.  I don’t need to shout it from the rooftops every day, but when asked, I never leave the most important sentence out.  Doing so reminds me that my stories, ALL of them, matter.  They are what has shaped me.  Altering them does not change the past, but it does change my relationship with myself. 

We all have stories. LOTS of them. Let us not only focus on the “bad” ones.  There are no bad stories anyway.  Each one has taught us something.  We all also have stories of adventures and love and joy.  When we look at the totality of our lives and all that we have learned, what a beautiful kaleidoscope of experiences that have gotten us to where we are right now.  Our stories should be celebrated for everything they have brought to our lives.  Whether we share them or not.  They are what make us unique.  What make us human. 

Even if you never share your deepest, most painful stories, please don’t alter them based on what you believe others will think.  Relive them truthfully and thank them for the journey. 

"The Secret Library”

by Emma Freeman

I can tell

By looking in your eyes

And by the way you hold yourself

That there is

Deep

Deep

Deep

Inside you

A dimly lit secret library full of stories… that are

Bound to your heart

Well-worn stories you’ve never told anyone

Kept safely in locked cabinets out of view

There are light filled stories and stories full of darkness

Joyful stories and stories full of sadness and pain

There are silly stories and adventurous stories

Sweet stories and stories full of regret

Tentative stories and bold stories

Loud stories and stories full of silence

There are stacks upon stacks of them

Some piled on the floor

Others that have fallen behind the shelves,

Forgotten… but are still a part of your soul’s collection

There are back rooms full of them

Cold basements and dusty attics too

Hundreds

Thousands

Of stories held inside your sacred walls

Gathered over your lifetime

I want to wander around in there with you

Slowly browsing your bookshelves

Discovering all of your subtle wisdom

And the Tender magic held there

I want to find a cozy spot in a corner

To sit together

As you slowly find a page

Take a deep breath

And begin to read your heart out to me

Much Love, 

Lisa

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Lisa Hamil is a founding member and host for The SOS Collective, an online international women’s recovery and support group. However, this blog and any classes or coaching offered by Lisa Hamil LLC are separate from and not affiliated in any way with The SOS Collective.