Lessons Learned

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards

- Soren Kierkegaard

If you had your life to live over again with what you know today, would you do it?  What if you could go back even 20 years. A partial do-over.  Would you?  Confident in the knowledge you have now about how you survived difficult situations, do you think you would have everything you need to live life differently? Would you make the “right” choice the second time around?

We look back at what we have survived and romanticize our potential to sail through the same scenario a second time without the mistakes and scars earned the first time.  Armed with the belief that NOW we would know what to do.  Maybe we would.  Maybe not. 

In considering our ability to have a successful second chance, we beat ourselves up rather regularly for not doing better the first time.  Feeling stupid that we didn't handle it differently.  Didn't innately KNOW the right answer or do the right thing.  Thinking everyone else involved in the situation got it right or that someone smarter would have handled it differently. 

How incredibly unfair we are to ourselves.  I know of no one that can anticipate everything that will come their way even when the second time around comes.  Life is dramatic and traumatic and uncertain.  It changes on a dime.  Even if we had the knowledge needed, would it turn out differently?   Absolutely. 

We can imagine a different outcome the second time around, but we are never presented with the exact same situation twice.   Looking back presents us with an opportunity to learn, but it rarely gives us the answers we are seeking.  Yet, we believe that somehow, we should magically know the right solution.  Or worse, that we should have known it all along. 

We never lose; we win, or we learn.  There are no life rewards for "getting it right".  The first time or the one-millionth time.  The reward comes in learning that we make mistakes.  It is in those moments, the trial-and-error moments, where growth happens.  Where we gain the knowledge needed to wake up every morning, reminding ourselves that we are doing the best we can with the knowledge we have in that moment.  The knowledge that if we make a mistake, we will survive. Because we have.  We are still here. 

With experience, our choices are clearer.  But they are not perfect.  The shame we heap on ourselves because of decisions we don't remember or made in haste or under stress, lose some of the hold they had.  Instead, we can choose to take life as it comes by being present.  Participating fully in our lives, no matter what.  Looking forward armed with a clear head and lessons learned. 

The past does not hold the "right" answer, but it does hold the key to our future.  It lies in reminding ourselves that every day is a new opportunity.  You may get it right, you may not. But you WILL learn something that will keep you moving forward. 

When you look back at situations that have challenged you, remember to do so through the lens of what you did right.  What you learned.  You might be surprised to see that you have garnered more insight than you thought.  When we look back and only focus on what we did wrong, we miss the point.  We cannot understand life until we have lived experience.  It is our past that gives us what we need for the future. 

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

Much Love

Lisa

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Lisa Hamil is a founding member and host for The SOS Collective, an online international women’s recovery and support group.  However, this blog and any classes or coaching offered by Lisa Hamil LLC are separate from and not affiliated in any way with The SOS Collective.