Yes, thank you.

“I said to the sun

tell me about the Big Bang

The sun said, 'It hurts to become.'”

—Andrea Gibson

“I Sing the Body Electric, Especially When My Power’s Out”

“It hurts to become.”  Such powerful words. 

Andrea Gibson was the poet laureate for the State of Colorado.  Sadly, I didn’t know Colorado had a poet laureate.  Nor was I familiar with her work.  She lost her battle with cancer this week and her words have been permeating my world daily.  On social media, in newspaper articles, and at meetings I attend.  I read these words this morning and burst into tears.  Yes.  It hurts to become. 

Unlike the sun, we do not burst forward in a Big Bang. Humans, it would appear, get the divine honor of overthinking our way into becoming.  I have dreamed of bursting forth.  Waking one day and simply being a shining star.  Not in a fame sense, but in a polished “I finally figured it out” sense.  However, if I WAS suddenly presented with the opportunity to “become” overnight, would I say yes?

Most of my conversations with myself are centered on the word “no.”  No, I don’t want that, no they can’t leave me, no I don’t know how to do that, no that’s too hard, no it’s not my problem, no I am not that smart, no I am not that worthy, no I am not……the list is endless.  What DOES it mean to say yes?  To say yes to every painful person, place, thing, or experience that got me here.  To say yes, when no is so much easier.

There are many parts of my story I’ve wanted to ignore—pretending that if they hadn’t happened, I’d be somewhere else entirely. But isn’t that the point? If those things hadn’t happened, would I be where I am now? Would I be who I am now?

Who or what does it serve to only acknowledge the parts of my life I’m comfortable with? Were the painful moments only meant to hurt me? Or were they guiding me—moving me forward on a path I couldn’t see yet?

When I look through the lens of no, life feels painful and fragmented. But when I begin to look through the lens of yes, thank you, a fuller picture begins to form. One with meaning. One with growth.

Because when we resist life—when we say no to what comes—struggle, pain, and suffering follow. But when we say yes, even to the hard things, we open the door to healing, integration, and transformation.

Another famous poet, Mary Oliver writes, “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”  Saying yes has been a learning curve.  To see the gift in all I wanted to ignore.  I also had to let go of blame.  I spent a lot of time blaming my problems on the actions of others.  Convinced I would have made better choices for myself if I had not been treated so poorly. 

Blame is the easy way out.  Letting go of blame and taking responsibility for where I am right now?  That’s empowering.  Blame is giving my power to someone else.  Remaining a victim of who or what took away my power to begin with.  Saying yes, that happened, and it helped me move forward…. empowering. 

Once I started to say yes, I also had to learn how to say thank you.  Yes was step one. Thank you was a whole new level.  Thank you for pain?  Thank you for grief and loss and shame and SO many mistakes?  Well, yes.  If saying yes is empowering.  Thank you is integration.  A deep understanding that without gratitude for ALL that has happened over the years, I was only living part of my own experience. 

We weren’t meant to ignore or dismiss the painful parts of our lives. If we only focused on the good, our lives would feel lopsided—and honestly, a little boring. While remembering the good can bring us joy, the human brain is paradoxically wired to dwell more on the bad.

If we spend most of our time thinking about the people, places, and moments that cause us pain, isn’t it time to make peace with them? To stop running, and instead invite those thoughts in—to learn from them, and then move forward? Let them go?

Pain is inevitable. But suffering? That’s optional. Suffering arises not from pain itself, but from the mind’s resistance to it.  From continuing to say no as if parts of our lives had not happened.  Yes is freedom.  Yes is acceptance.  Yes is finally understanding that we are worth saying yes to in a myriad of ways.  And thank you…. well, that is just polite.  And gratitude feels good even if what brought us to gratitude was the hardest thing we ever survived.  Never forget that you DID survive it.  Saying yes, thank you, helps you understand how.  And that is the knowledge that moves us forward. 

Saying “yes” to life does not mean liking everything that happens. It means facing what is without denial, letting go of the illusion that we can control it all, and trusting that within every painful moment is the seed of transformation.

Mary Oliver also writes, “Tell me what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life.”  Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, found that saying “yes” to life, even amid suffering, gives life meaning. And Andrea Gibson said, “You do not have to leave to arrive.”

You are an amazing, complicated, beautiful human being.  One who has not survived life unscathed, but who HAS survived.  You do not need to look externally for answers.  You do not have to “leave” your own knowing of who and what you are to “arrive” at what you want to become.  You simply have to say “Yes, thank you.”  And trust that all you have survived and learned will lead you where you need to go.  While you may not “become” overnight, the journey will leave you shining even brighter than the sun.