Growth

“You will resist your own growth.”

Brianna Wiest

 I went to see Thomas the Tank Engine with my grandson last Sunday.  As we were walking in, I looked at his mother and said, “Oh, to be able to see the world with that sort of wonder again.”  His eyes were wide, and I could see him taking in every element.  The people, the music, the trains, the pageantry, the magic.  A view of the world that is new and open.  Not one where “what if” lurks around every corner.  The persistent “what if” that keeping us from enjoying the here and now.

My screen saver is a picture of me as a very young girl; maybe two.  And her look and smile hold that same wonder.  I have double monitors, so I have two of me, wide-eyed, staring back as I write this.  I too used to see the magic in the world.  The truth is, I still do.  Even if I must dig a little deeper to find it somedays.  But there have been times in my life when I saw no magic at all. 

I know I am not alone.  We come into this world not knowing what to expect, but we don’t know anything other than to expect the best.  For many of us, we do not get to live in that innocence for long.  But even those spared for a while, eventually experience the reality of life.  People are mean to each other.  We make mistakes.  We don’t know what is coming next. Our dreams are often dismissed.  We compare ourselves to others no end. And feel small because we believe we are the only ones who can’t seem to get “it” right.  Even though we are never given the definition of what “it” is.  We just innately feel we are failing somehow.

Here begins the story we tell ourselves about who we are and where we fit.  Carefully crafted to explain our existence.  It is full of tales of our bravery that we openly share.  It is also full of tales about evil villains that harmed us.  Or ways we harmed ourselves.  Parts of our story we do not share for fear that others would never understand.  And, because we have been telling ourselves this story for years, we believe it to be true.  It defines us.  Changing it seems impossible.  The facts are undeniable.  This is our life.  Our story. 

Yet, there are moments when we think….so?  So, it happened.  Yes, it hurt, but do we have to live there still?  At the same time, challenging our story feels daunting and dismissive of who we are.  We yearn to grow beyond what we know.  Then we tell ourselves that we are “fine” where we are.  We make excuses for why we cannot change or do not need to.   The ingenuity of self-deception is inexhaustible. 

Growth requires change.  Physically, mentally, emotionally.  Change from one state of being or mindset to another is something humans resist at all costs. Even when we KNOW we need to change, we stay stuck in our habits, our beliefs, our sameness.  Why? 

It’s important to note that we do, in fact, change every day.  Without our knowledge or effort.  The human body has approximately 37.2 trillion cells.  Cells so small that one hundred of them could fit in the period at the end of this sentence.  In a healthy adult human, approximately 330 billion cells die and are replaced every day as part of a continuous process of cellular renewal. This number represents about 1% of the body's total cells.  Cell death is essential for survival because it facilitates development, allowing the body to sculpt organs and tissues by eliminating unwanted cells. It also maintains tissue homeostasis by removing old, damaged, or infected cells, replacing them with new ones.  Thus, you are physically different today than you were yesterday. 

What does this have to do with change?  With growth?  There are some cells in our body that are either with us for life or change SO slowly that the majority of them are our lifelong companions.  These are the cells in the brain, the heart and the eyes (retina).  In other words, what we think, feel, and see are constants.  From a cellular perspective.  These cells are our oldest companions, the same cells that witnessed our first breath, our first heartbreak, our first glimpse of a beautiful sunset. These cells are more than biology; they are the keepers of our story.

Because they are with us for life, it is easy to believe that these “permanent” cells do not or cannot change.  However, even in these lifelong cells, daily choices and memories can reshape them. Neurons strengthen or weaken their synaptic connections based on experience (neuroplasticity). Heart cells are deeply tied to nervous system signaling; our heart rate changes with our emotions. Retinal cells fix our visual experiences into memory.  In other words, we CAN change our physiology.  We can shift our perceptions, our emotions and our thoughts.  Nothing lasts forever.  Even those things that seem unchangeable. This is a paradox of human growth: the same cells that keep our identity intact also resist transformation.  Yet, transformation finds a way.

Rewiring your brain, or your heart, doesn’t happen the first time you decide something should be different. It takes practice, training, and time.  James Clear talks about the impact of 1%.  If we can change our thoughts, actions, habits, or beliefs 1% every day, we will have changed 33% in a year’s time.  Ironically, our bodies already know that they need to clean out 1% of our existing cells every day and make room for the new.  If our bodies change more than that, if there is abnormal cell growth or destruction, the body moves out of homeostasis.  Out of “normal”.  Our bodies innately understand “baby steps.”

Cells are living, dynamic, responsive. With repetition, compassion, and presence, they can learn to hold a new story.  One of resilience, trust, and renewal.  And as cells die, their death supports the growth of new cells.  The pieces and parts of a dying or damaged cell are “recycled” in the building of the new.  They keep the parts that are still viable and let go of the rest.  We need to do the same with our story.  Keep the learning that supports our growth and let go of what no longer works.

Edith Eva Eger states, “Suffering is universal, victimhood is optional.”  I believe we need a growth version of that quote. “Change is inevitable, growth is optional.”  We can live our lives the way they are handed to us, no extra effort for growth required.   Or we can question what we see, what we feel and what we think.  Is it true?  Is it serving me?  What if I choose something different?  Our bodies WILL adapt and grow with us.  Our lives will too.  But not when we choose comfortable. 

We have no idea what our bodies or our minds are capable of unless we ASK. Go back to that place of wonder.  Ask “what if”, but not because you are afraid of taking a risk.  We often look for the downside, when, in fact, there is an equal opportunity for upside with the very same question.  “What if” also applies to all the possibility that life holds.  You WILL change every day.  How will you grow? 

Much love,

Lisa

P.S.

This beautiful song arrived in my inbox today from my friend Diana.  She is a poet and it appears her son has the same talent.  I love the words to this song.  An extra bonus for you all....enjoy.   

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Lisa Hamil is a founding member and host for The SOS Collective, an online international women’s recovery and support group.  However, this blog and any classes or coaching offered by Lisa Hamil LLC are separate from and not affiliated in any way with The SOS Collective.