Freedom

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to take the stairs… one step at a time.”

– Joe Girard

 Do you cruise through Instagram or Amazon looking for answers?  Hoping against hope that someone “out there” will have what you need?  If what you are suffering from is simply being human and trying to feel more comfortable in your own skin, you can bet someone will have devised a solution for your problem.

Welcome to the world of “one and done”!  We are surrounded by quick fixes, miracle cures, and magical transformations.  Want to lose 10 lbs in a week? Gain greater focus and clarity, or detox instantly (even though it may have taken us years to get where we are) with a simple cleanse or supplement?  No lifestyle change required, just an honest to God miracle for only $19.99/month.   

No need to cook.  We can microwave a meal in minutes, drive thru everything, or simply order on your phone and dinner arrives in 30 minutes or less.  We could make something simple with the nutritious food we purchased yesterday….or pay $43 for cold fries and regret.  Has anything ordered from a food delivery service ever arrived hot or even edible? 

Want a new house?  New car?  New furniture or tv?  Zero down and it can happen tomorrow despite your credit score.  Romance?  Swipe left, swipe right, find your soulmate by judging their hat and their favorite emoji.  New image?  Simply give us your credit card and you can have a new style, completely “on trend”, every month.

We are bombarded with daily promises designed to fix our most bothersome problems.  And someone, somewhere is making money from our request to “please just do away with” what plagues us most.  We pour hundreds of billions of dollars every year into services and products that promise a “quick fix” and it can generally be delivered to our door.  We don’t even need to leave the safety of our own home to find a whole new life. 

If only it were that simple.  In a world of instant gratification and overnight transformations, we’ve come to love the phrase “one and done.” One workout to change our body. One apology to heal a relationship. One new habit to fix a lifetime of old patterns. But the truth is—when it comes to meaningful, lasting change, one and done is a myth.

Real change doesn’t happen in a single moment of effort. It happens in the quiet, daily moments of recommitment. It’s not a sprint to a finish line; it’s a series of conscious choices, repeated over time, until they start to feel like freedom instead of effort.

Too often, we try to change our behavior without changing our thoughts. We white-knuckle our way through willpower and discipline, hoping that if we act differently, we’ll feel differently. But without addressing our internal dialogue—the limiting beliefs, the fear, the shame, the frustration—we’re just rearranging the furniture in a house with a shaky foundation.

Behavior without belief is temporary. It's like planting a seed in dry soil and wondering why it doesn’t grow.  We want change, but we don’t want TO change.  Sadly, that is a fatalistic way of beginning the journey.  Changing your behavior without changing your thoughts is an exercise in futility.  Yet, day after day, scroll after scroll, we are told it is possible. 

When we find ourselves looking for the easy way out, here are some questions to consider:

1.   What is the real problem I am trying to solve? Do I want to lose weight, change jobs, buy a new house because I believe I really want those things? Or do I think having those things will make the world see ME differently?
2.   Am I confusing speed with effectiveness? Would I rather feel better fast - or feel better for good?
3. What have I tried before that didn’t stick? Why didn’t it stick?  Patterns love to repeat themselves.  And they WILL until we stop and better understand why they keep showing up in our lives. 
4. Am I trying to skip discomfort by looking for a shortcut? Is this about avoiding the work or pain that comes with major changes in our lives?  Here is the truth, growth requires change and long-lasting change is hard.  It requires effort, not a credit card.
5.   What would I tell a friend who was trying to “fix” something in themselves overnight? It is SO easy to see how someone else might be duped, but we are not as discerning when we shift the lens to our choices. 

And the most important question of all, so wisely asked by Laura McKowen to people questioning their relationship with alcohol….AM I FREE?  Will this product or service not only change my life, but also stop my incessant obsession with the change I need to make?  Will it calm the voices of self-doubt and frustration in my head?  When we desperately want to change the behavior but are unwilling to look at those aspects of our story that keeps us stuck, we are NOT free.  Our quest for “one and done” is a temporary respite and the chance that we will wake up in the same spot tomorrow, but financially (not to mention emotionally and spiritually) poorer, is the reality.

Here’s the deeper truth: freedom isn’t found in the moment we start something. Freedom is found in the consistency that follows. Freedom is reclaiming your power, day by day, thought by thought, choice by choice.

It's not one and done.

It’s one and again, and again, and again… until who you’re becoming feels more natural than who you’ve been.

That’s the freedom we should all be fighting for. 

 So, put down your phone and your credit card.  Feel the freedom that comes every time you make a choice that supports the person you KNOW you are inside.  Choices that support your soul.  A choice that is a vote for who you want to become, will build your trust and make the next “right step” easier.  Or maybe not easier but at least less scary.  It is the baby steps that get you where you want to go.  Change does not happen in big leaps.  And lasting change is most definitely not one and done.