Breathe

Tis’ the busy season.  And the time of exhaustion and flu and unsteady emotions.  We put so much on ourselves this time of year.  And we push our self-care to next year, believing that, magically, on January 1^st, life will return to normal and we can too.  Would that life worked that way.  But life chooses to be life.  Messy and chaotic, not really worried about the time of year or what holiday is upon us. 

The one thing I know is always at my disposal is the power to take a minute to breathe.  To settle.  To let it all go and simply be.  It takes noticing that you need it and it takes practice to learn to let go.  To pause and to bring awareness around the need for that pause.  And to NOT feel guilty for taking time when you need it most. 

I love this poem, and it is the perfect time to share it.  We can look back at our lives all we want, but what has come before is nothing we can change.  We must simply give it a review and make whatever peace is needed.  Future tripping also serves no purpose.  Not once in my life, when I tried to predict what tomorrow will bring, have I been correct. 

All we have is now.  So, let’s learn to enjoy it.  For me, that means breathing into the moment and finding gratitude any place I can.  We all have so much to be grateful for - when we stop worrying about all the things we think are going wrong.  Breathe.  Spend some time with YOU. And enjoy this poem by John Roedel. It's one of my favorites. 

My Brain and My Heart Divorced

my brain and

heart divorced

a decade ago

over who was

to blame about

how big of a mess

I have become.

eventually,

they couldn’t be

in the same room

with each other

now my head and heart

share custody of me

I stay with my brain

during the week

and my heart

gets me on weekends

they never speak to one another

– instead, they give me

the same note to pass

to each other every week

and their notes they

send to one another always

says the same thing:

“This is all your fault”

on Sundays

my heart complains

about how my

head has let me down

in the past

and on Wednesday

my head lists all

of the times my

heart has screwed

things up for me

in the future

they blame each

other for the

state of my life

there’s been a lot

of yelling – and crying

so,

lately, I’ve been

spending a lot of

time with my gut

who serves as my

unofficial therapist

most nights, I sneak out of the

window in my ribcage

and slide down my spine

and collapse on my

gut’s plush leather chair

that’s always open for me

~ and I just sit sit sit sit

until the sun comes up

last evening,

my gut asked me

if I was having a hard

time being caught

between my heart

and my head

I nodded

I said I didn’t know

if I could live with

either of them anymore

“my heart is always sad about

something that happened yesterday

while my head is always worried

about something that may happen tomorrow,”

I lamented

my gut squeezed my hand

“I just can’t live with

my mistakes of the past

or my anxiety about the future,”

I sighed

my gut smiled and said:

“in that case,

you should

go stay with your

lungs for a while,”

I was confused

– the look on my face gave it away

“if you are exhausted about

your heart’s obsession with

the fixed past and your mind’s focus

on the uncertain future

your lungs are the perfect place for you

there is no yesterday in your lungs

there is no tomorrow there either

there is only now

there is only inhale

there is only exhale

there is only this moment

there is only breath

and in that breath

you can rest while your

heart and head work

their relationship out.”

this morning,

while my brain

was busy reading

tea leaves

and while my

heart was staring

at old photographs

I packed a little

bag and walked

to the door of

my lungs

before I could even knock

she opened the door

with a smile and as

a gust of air embraced me

she said

“what took you so long?”

~ john roedel (johnroedel.com)