Baby Steps

Uprooted tree with Tava (fka Pikes Peak) in the background

"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable."

⁠Christopher Reeve

You know that phenomenon?  The one where you have decided to buy a new home or a new car and, without really looking, the only things you seem to see are “For Sale” signs and the exact make, model, and color of the car you are considering.  When you are a hammer, everything you see is a nail. 

Saturday, October 18, 2025, marks five years of sobriety for me. 

I have been wondering what to write.  Or do I want to write anything at all?  I believe that we do not celebrate ourselves enough.  And reaching any sobriety milestone, even the smallest of ones, is something I never thought I would accomplish.  So how should I celebrate?  How DO I feel?  What have I learned?  As I pondered these questions, my whole life began to feel like a “for sale” sign.  Sobriety has touched every part of my life and the changes are everywhere to be seen. 

I was at our cabin this week with my daughter.  A spot I have been coming to since I was 10.  The cabin is in a private fly fishing community.  With bylaws.  And, quite honestly, with people who are more concerned with other people’s business than their own.  Many who have a very low tolerance threshold. 

There are a lot of dogs in the community and the bylaws state that dogs must be on leash or under your control. To say that this bylaw has been loosely enforced over the years is an understatement.  That said, we are very conscious of where our dogs go, when they need to be leashed, and when it is acceptable for them to run free.  But dogs are dogs.  We had a recent incident where they got away from us and ran up on someone’s porch.  Apparently, they picked the wrong house. 

I received a call from the Board President. Now, if our family wants to have the dogs off leash (because who brings their dogs to the mountains and doesn’t want that), we must take them through a back gate into the national forest where they can run free with no porches or neighbors.  I know the trails around the lakes inside the fence very well.  Comfortable.  I have not spent much time outside the fence.  Uncomfortable.

We did a short walk the first day with no issues.  No reason to expect anything different the second day.  We hiked to what we thought was the top of the ridge, but, being the mountains, there was another ridge to conquer, so we kept going.  We were walking on a slightly defined path, but then we came upon a field of “tree debris.”  No other way to describe it.  It looked like a tornado had been a recent visitor.  Trees uprooted and blown to bits.  It wasn’t something man made. 

There was no path through the debris.  And, because we had to be careful of where we were walking, we were looking down for where to place our feet, not on where we were going.  More than once, I was tripped.  Not by a branch in front of me, but by a branch that rose invisibly behind, grabbing my trailing foot.  I, of course, was future tripping about falling and getting a sharp stick in the eye in the middle of nowhere, but I digress.

We reached the top of one ridge and were met with a beautiful view of Tava (fka Pike’s Peak even though Pike never made it to the summit - I will also not digress about the injustice of the history or name change either).  It came time to head back home, and we started our descent across the field of debris. It was bigger than we remembered and the slightly defined path where we began our hike, was nowhere to be found. 

Yes…. we were lost.  Not for long.  But we all know that feeling of dread when we think, “I got this.  I know where I am.”  Only to find out that you haven’t a clue.

About now, you might be wondering what our dogs, bylaws and a hike have to do with my sobriety?  My entire perspective this week has been focused on looking back and trying to clarify what the past five years has taught me. This incident oddly provided some insight. 

Here are 9 things that stand out to me about my journey to sobriety.  As I said earlier, sobriety has touched my life in EVERY way.  Far more than nine thoughts.  But this is a good start. 

1.   The path is not always clear. And you don’t need to know the path.   The one we took up the mountain was not the one we took to get home, but we still arrived at our destination. 
2.   Balance, flexibility and core strength. I practice these daily. I’ve been told that these skills are the most important areas to focus on as you age.   When I was tripped by debris behind me, I had the core strength and balance needed to not fall.  There was a time in my life when that was not the case.  Falling felt more comfortable than even trying to catch myself.  Develop your balance, strength and flexibility and learn to adapt.  Even when your first instinct is to run and hide. Or, to fall back on “comfortable” simply because that is familiar.  Growth is simply not possible when we are stuck in comfortable. 
3.   You can’t see what is coming. Or those things you think are behind you. It wasn’t the sticks I saw and tried to avoid that tripped me, it was the ones behind me that I could not anticipate. We call these triggers.  Unseen bombs that don’t go off until you lift your foot.  Even when you think you are on the right path, we tend to overthink and under anticipate what life has in store.  We cannot predict what is next.  But we CAN choose how we respond.  See #2.  Rely on the skills you DO have in these moments.  You have survived everything that has come your way.  You are still here.  You HAVE skills.
4. Lost does not mean you don’t know where you are going. When you feel lost, look up. Try to find familiar ground. We can usually orient ourselves in the general direction we want to head.  Start with the overall view and then dial in the specifics.   The path will never be a straight or well-defined line. Find a different perspective.  “Lost” can be a new adventure.  Showing us views we never would have seen otherwise. 
5. Ask for help. However, if you do find yourself stuck, ask for help.  My daughter and I had each other.  Neither of us knew where we were headed, but I would have been so much more panicked if I had been out there alone.  My sobriety journey would not have been possible without community.  Without help.  Without the stories, love, grace, and support of others who knew exactly how it felt to be lost in the woods with no definable path home.  We all need help.  Asking is a muscle we do not work on strengthening enough.
6.   Don’t leave home without water. Yes, we did this.  We were only going on a short hike with no anticipated problems, so we were not well provisioned.  When you do not know exactly where you are going, allow for the possibility that it might not turn out as planned.  Bring supplies.  Practical supplies like food and water, but also a supply of grit and determination. Your journey might take longer than anticipated.  Plan for the worst and hope for the best.
7.   There is always another ridge. I live on the prairie and look toward the mountains daily.  I often wonder what the first explorers thought when faced with a line of mountains as far as the eye can see.  If you have ever driven through the Rocky Mountains, they seem to never end.  There is always another mountain to climb.  Can there BE anything more daunting than standing on the summit of a 14,000-foot peak only to see the next one standing in your way?  We can and should celebrate that we made it to the top.  And as we look at the next one on the horizon, remember the skills it took to scale the one we are on.  Each successful summit makes the next mountain slightly less daunting. 
8.   The view is amazing. We have all been in places where the view is as far as the eye can see. On top of a mountain, on the shore staring out at sea….it takes our breath away.  A vista that feels like anything is possible.  This is how sobriety feels for me.  Waking up hangover free will never get old.  And the view looking back at ALL that has changed over the last five years, is nothing short of amazing. 
9.   Baby Steps. The dawning realization that my daughter and I had no idea where we were, made me wish that I could cross my arms and nod my head like “I Dream of Jeannie.” To be magically transported home.  I’ve wished for that genie many times.  The truth is that no matter what I have faced in my life, there is no way out but through.  One step at a time.  One day at a time.  My VERY stubborn ego did not understand baby steps.  Only now can I see the beauty in the small things that happen daily.  Change does not come easily.  But it is SO worth the effort.     

These things have led to the one thing that felt so elusive at the beginning of my journey.  Trust.  Trust in myself.  Trusting that I had ANY knowledge of where I was headed, the skills needed to start, what the path was, or what the view would be when I got “there.”  Wherever there ended up being.  

Arriving at your destination does not mean the journey is over.  I don’t believe I will ever have “conquered” addiction.  If not alcohol, I have plenty of other things that I relate to with the same addictive mindset.  My work here is not done.  But like the intrepid mountaineer standing on the peak and looking at the next one, I truly believe that if I climbed this, nothing will hold me back.  It’s just another mountain.  

And a VERY special thank you to my fellow climbers that got me to this milestone.  My family, my friends, and my sober community.  I COULD NOT have made it without you. 

Much love,

Lisa

P.S.

Comments are now enabled below.  Apparently, you cannot leave a comment without also giving your name and email.  Obviously, I already have your email, or you would not have received this in the first place.  I don’t understand why it must be provided again, but I am not a programmer and do not make the rules.  You can also just respond to this email, and it will come to me.  Either way, I love your feedback if you are so inclined.  Your words mean everything to me.  And I take them to heart.  Thank you for reading my blog.  The writing of this, and your words, have been a big part of my journey. 

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Lisa Hamil is a founding member and host for The SOS Collective, an online international women’s recovery and support group.  However, this blog and any classes or coaching offered by Lisa Hamil LLC are separate from and not affiliated in any way with The SOS Collective.