Authenticity

“A reminder:  You are not a before and after story.  You are an every evolving, forever-shifting human, and all the versions of you that came before, along with all the versions of you that haven’t been lived into yet are deserving of compassion.”

Lisa Olivera

 I wrote a blog not long ago about wanting a superpower that allowed me to see myself as other people saw me.  Concluding that even if that was an available superpower, how they saw me would not be a truthful version.  Their view would be tainted by their own perspective of the world.  Their biases, history, traumas, education and SO many other things.  In other words, my story is MY story.  It is not available for interpretation by anyone else.  They have their own story to unravel. 

But the questions remain.   How do I see myself?  How do I know who I am?  Who I want to be?   What I want?  Such simple questions with seemingly obvious answers.  All we must do is ask them of ourselves.  But do we?  Are we being authentic?  Showing up in our lives based on what WE need and want?  Or do we remain stuck in habits that require us to show up the way other people need us to? 

I recently saw a post featuring Dr. Zach Bush. In the video, he talks about research that was done measuring an individual’s bioelectromagnetic field (think personal energy or aura if that is easier to picture).  The study was done while subjects were inside a Faraday cage. The Faraday cage simply blocks out external electromagnetic energy that the individual might be exposed to during the experiment.  It is similar technology to RFID blocking for your wallet.

Participants were asked questions designed to evoke certain emotions, both positive and negative, and their energy levels were measured.  The assumption was that humans emit the most bioelectromagnetic energy when we are discussing love or joy.  Makes sense.  However, scientists were perplexed because as participants were relaying their stories, there were spikes in subjects’ energy where none were expected. 

The researchers had a theory, so they redid the study.  And their theory was correct.  We don’t “light up” when talking about love and joy as much as we do when we are being AUTHENTIC.  Speaking our truth.  Even when participants were telling stories about difficult or traumatic events, authenticity was where they had the most energy.  Turns out the energy created by authenticity is 40% higher than when speaking of love.

I searched for more information about this study and couldn’t find anything to cite.  But…. did I really need a scientific study to believe that when we show up as ourselves, we are our most vibrant?  Each of us has had moments where we know that feeling.  To show up as ourselves.  Unapologetically.  It feels right.  Centered.  Whole.  We have all felt that, even if only briefly.  Pride in who we are and what we have done. 

 And, we have had the experience where, even when we show up with love in our heart, we have a little voice in our head that wonders if we are loving someone else in the “right” way.  If we aren’t, will they leave us?  Are we being truly authentic with our love?  Or, on the opposite side of the coin, we wonder if we are in fact lovable.  Perhaps we are acting in ways that are not true to who we are because we are seeking love from someone else.  Love brings us joy, but does it bring out our authenticity?

We have witnessed authenticity in others.  When the human spirit shines through with no thought about what anyone else thinks.  Last night I was watching the 20^th Anniversary of America’s Got Talent.  A show I used to watch, after several glasses of wine, and wonder how anyone could be courageous enough to get on that stage.  To be that authentic.  Granted, not everyone was.  But when you saw the rawness of some of the performers…. I craved being that brave. 

My favorite performer was Kodi Lee.  Kodi walked on stage with his mother, who shared that he is blind and autistic, and that music had saved him.  He sat down at the piano, and there was a long pause.  Long enough that you could see the judges start to wonder if anything would happen. And then, Kodi began to play.  Moments later, he sang.  He was doing what brought him to a place of inner love.  And it showed. 

Apparently, his authentic self, resonated with a lot of us.  He won that season.  And a million dollars.  He was not doing it for the money.  He was doing it because he could. 

We are most vibrant when we are authentic and Kodi reminds us that no matter our obstacles, we can step into our true selves.  IF we allow it.  So…. what keeps us from ourselves? 

Being authentic means being vulnerable.  You are no longer hiding behind the persona you have adopted.  The one where you think you fit in, where you live up to the expectations of others.  Or maybe, like me, you hide behind alcohol.  A substance that can give the illusion of fitting in but really is just covering up a fear of being seen. 

At some point, we owe it to ourselves to ask, “What is the cost of not being who we are?”  Of never giving our heart the chance to speak.  To step into its true self.  The cost of not acknowledging our soul. The Oh Hellos have a song titled, “Hello My Old Heart” which says:

Hello, my old heart

How have you been?

How is it being locked away?

Well, don't you worry, 'cause in there, you're safe

And it's true, you'll never beat

But you'll never break

Emphasis added by me, but there we have the truth.  We can protect our hearts.  Protect our vulnerability.  Never let our true self live.  And maybe, just maybe, we will never be broken.  But I am pretty sure everyone reading this knows that is not true.  We have tried so hard to protect ourselves by fitting in, conforming to the demands of the world.  It did not keep us from suffering or trauma or pain or grief.  Maybe it is time to try being authentic?? 

We CAN go on living in fear that we might be seen or hurt or that we might fail.  But what IF we SUCCEED?  The chances are equal really.  Success vs failure.  What if we unlock what is inside of us and let our dreams come out to play?  What if? 

Henry Ford famously said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t—you’re right.” We are well versed in knowing who we are not, what we have been hiding behind.   We have been living in that story for a long time.  Maybe it is time to start asking who we ARE, what we WANT.  Believing that we CAN change our story.

Time to take the pen up and write a whole new chapter.  I guarantee it will be worth a read. 

Much love,

Lisa

Lisa Hamil is a founding member and host for The SOS Collective, an online international women’s recovery and support group.  However, this blog and any classes or coaching offered by Lisa Hamil LLC are separate from and not affiliated in any way with The SOS Collective.