Wonder Woman

“It is not weakness to retreat. Even the sun must rest below the horizon before rising again.”

— Wonder Woman (paraphrased from “Legend of Wonder Woman” by Renae De Liz) 

In 1982, when I entered the corporate world, I showed up every day in my “power suit”.  Padded shoulders with an Oxford cloth button down shirt.  Mine typically had ruffles or a rounded collar. A “tie”, which was just a pretty scarf that mimicked a man’s tie.  Nylons, and high heel pumps.  It was part uniform and part statement that I was there to take on a man’s world.  A world, as drilled into me by my mother, that all women needed to conquer. 

Many women, well into the late 1960’s and early 70’s, my mother included, were not allowed to apply for or receive a credit card, own their own home, or even open a checking account without their husband’s signature and approval.  Throughout my youth my mother stressed to me the importance of fighting for women’s rights.  The women’s movement grew throughout the 70’s and in 1979, the year I graduated from high school, one of the most prominent commercials on TV was an ad for Enjoli perfume, “the 8-hour perfume for the 24-hour woman.”  The lyrics of which “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan and never ever let you forget you’re a man,” became an anthem for many.  Women could do it all. 

And we did.  Even though we were not treated or paid equally (and still are not), we set out to prove that we could, in fact, have it all.  But there is a serious flaw in the “have it all” mentality.  No one can give 24/7. 

Having it all was a very mixed message.  I wore the power suit, then found a husband, had my beautiful children, joined the Junior League and learned to parallel park a Suburban.  Ironically, I began to feel shame, mostly from women, when I was asked what I “did” for a living.  Apparently raising children and trying to lend a hand in my community (which felt like two full time jobs) was not enough because I did not have a title and a paycheck.  So, I went back to work and then back to school.  Forever trying to find that balance between what was physically possible to maintain and what was expected of me by others.  I did, after all, need to uphold the image of my collective tribe.  Didn’t I?

It was 100 degrees here last Saturday.  I took the dog for a long walk and then retreated to the air conditioning, exhausted by the heat and looking for a simple escape.  I am not a DC nor Marvel comics fan.  Nor am I a fan of superhero movies.  But I landed on “Justice League” and decided to watch.  I love Gal Gadot and who doesn’t like watching Jason Momoa.  I noticed, however, as I watched, that even the superheroes were not saving the world the entire time. 

Superwoman, aka Diana Prince, has a “real job.” and a life beyond the sword and shield.  Batman spent a fair amount of time in the bat cave.  Sometimes analyzing how to conquer the bad guys, sometimes just hanging out.  Superman came back from the dead in this movie (I didn’t know he ever died), but after his revival, he retreated to the family farm with Lois Lane to rest, reset, and learn how to be back in the world.

Raised with the belief that I had to “have it all”, rest, downtime, and not running 24/7 has often felt uncomfortable.  In today’s terminology, “hustle culture” is still thriving for both men and women.  But is it healthy?  No one, not even Superman and Wonder Woman, can be all things to all people all day.  It has taken me many decades of practice to unlearn what was drilled into me as a young woman.  To give myself the grace to not run myself into the ground.  To understand that when I slow down, I show up better.  For others and me.  Yet, I still see downtime as a luxury, not a necessity. 

Role theory suggests that people occupy multiple roles in life (parent, worker, friend, citizen), each with expectations and demands. When those roles are in conflict (like saving the world vs. clocking in at the Daily Planet), it creates role strain. Superheroes, and us mere mortals, must navigate when to perform and when to just be. 

Wonder Woman doesn’t stop being Diana Prince — she’s both. And so are we: the doer and the dreamer, the server and the self.  We may wear different masks throughout the day, but we are a whole human, and we need to integrate our “super” selves with the “being” part of human being. Like food and water, we need both to survive.  

Human beings have innate needs — security, autonomy, attention, meaning, community — and mental health suffers when we’re out of balance. Superheroes often lack downtime, connection, and normalcy, which mirrors our own tendency to over-function and burn out.

Saving the world doesn't fill your emotional tank — being seen, loved, and grounded does. Perhaps downtime is the most important superpower.  It is often where the most meaningful internal work happens.   Downtime isn’t wasted time; it’s integration. Without it, a superhero is just a weapon.

We don’t have to earn rest. Even our highest selves — our “super” versions — need grounding. And if Clark and Diana don’t wear the cape 24/7, maybe we don’t need to always be producing, performing, or “fixing” either.

Take the nap, the walk, the bath.  Read the book, check out.  Meditate, journal, even binge watch something silly.  The day will wait.  The world will NOT fall apart.  Let go of feeling “less than” or “lazy.”  Life will go on and you can catch up when you are ready.  When your batteries are recharged, your shield polished, and your sword sharpened. 

And yes, I am reminding myself of this truth as well:  

Sometimes, being fully human is the most heroic thing we can do.